I’m cringing just thinking about it.
There’s no greater fear than being on a date or spending time with a new friend and having the conversation suddenly taper off into a dreadfully awkward silence.
Have you ever nervously thought “why do I easily run out of things to say?” or “how do I keep this conversation going?” or “dude, what’s wrong with me?” I’ve certainly had those thoughts before.
The good news is there are simple techniques you can apply to assure you’re not only engaged in a conversation, but steering the entire interaction toward something meaningful for all parties involved.
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How to Keep the Conversation Going in 4 Simple Steps
Below I’ve gathered some incredibly useful, remarkably simple strategies you can start practicing to become a better conversationalist and someone people deeply enjoy interacting with.
These aren’t rigid formulas you need to memorize like a robot, but rather mindsets and actions you can gently embrace along the way.
Step 1: Get out of your own head and listen
Since the days of being a child in school, people are always scolding you to “listen” or “listen up!”. Today, I’ve learned there’s deep wisdom in listening and tons of information to reap from doing so.
According to a University of Missouri study, we spend about 70-80% of our waking hours engaged in some form of communication. Of that time, nearly 45% of it is spent listening.
Yet, while listening was always strongly encouraged by our teachers, it’s not always something we’ve actively practiced or learned how to do well.
And there’s a reason your brain wanders off more easily than a puppy at a butcher shop. The average person speaks around 125 words per minute according to the same University of Missouri article.
But, our brains are capable of processing up to 400 words per minute. Because we are only using a small portion of our brain power to listen, we wander off aimlessly into other thoughts.
But, if you can be conscious of this, you can snap out of it. Often, guys are so concerned with what they are going to say next, that they fail to listen to what the person across from them is saying in the present moment.
And then there’s a disconnect.
Instead of spending your mental energy planning something to say, just relax and listen intently. Through listening, you will come up with an organic response to the subject matter at hand and continue the conversation in a natural way.
Beyond this, the person across from you will feel heard and take note that you’re actually listening to them. That makes anyone feel good, especially the girl you’re on a date with. Girls value guys who listen.
Aside from listening intently, this viral video offers some useful verbal cues and strategies to lean on while you’re in conversation that can help you breathe some life into the interaction and keep it flowing along smoothly.
Step 2: Try a clean-burning cognitive supplement
Today, there’s a plethora of companies in the health and supplement world that have formulated clean-burning cognitive supplements that give you an extra dose of focus, creativity, and clear thinking.
And no, I’m not suggesting there’s not a magic potion that will temporarily strap you with Jimmy Neutron levels of brain blast powers, but there are certainly functional formulas that will give your current brain a noticeable improvement.
TruBrain’s lineup of nootropic pouches offer exactly that, a potent boost to your brain function without crappy ingredients or absurdly false, misleading claims.
TruBrain's line of transparent nootropic blends will help increase your mental clarity and focus, especially while doing tedious tasks. They won't give you Jimmy Neutron-level brain blasts, but with multiple nootropics, vitamins, and minerals all in one pouch, the value is there.
My favorite is their daily medium non-caff pouch. Because I like to drink coffee, taking any supplement with added caffeine is going to rocket me into jittery overdrive. The medium pouch has no caffeine but all the nootropic ingredients to support your focus and mental clarity like: noopept, L-Theanine, and L-Carnitine.
When I’ve slurped down a pouch of this, I feel noticeably more fluid in my word choice and ability to quickly formulate and articulate thoughts or ideas. This lasts for about 4 to 5ish hours.
Keep in mind (no pun intended), nootropics affect everyone differently so consider doing TruBrain’s trial pack to see if one or any of their formulas impacts you the way you want them to.
Some guys might argue the placebo effect, though neuroscience studies suggest that certain nootropics enhance verbal fluency, like the ones found in TruBrain’s packs. Verbal fluency essentially refers to the ease with which a person can produce words.
Still, if the placebo effect is in play, I’ll gladly accept the benefits that come from your brain tricking you into thinking something is working.
Not sure where to start with TruBrain? Their sample pack features all of their popular formulations---encourage better sleep, or boost your clarity to slap out emails for hours. This is the easiest way to get started with nootropics.
Step 3: Calibrate your questions
Quality questions are the lifeblood of conversation. They open up interaction and allow for natural exploration and curiosity to ensue.
Questions prompt answers and spur back and forth discussion in which two people can learn interesting things about one another and the world at large.
But on the flip side, lame questions lead to lame answers and can heighten the intensity of an awkward silence even further.
Asking, “so, do you like startup marketing?” might result in someone saying “yeah” or “it’s okay”. But asking “what got you interested in startup marketing?” should evoke a more thorough response that carries the conversation somewhere compelling.
Instead of asking questions that can be answered with one word like “yes” or “no”, instead start asking open-ended questions. These are questions that prompt a longer response and simply can’t be answered with a one-word response.
Often, open-ended questions begin with “why”, “how”, “what”, or “tell me”.
Change “Did you grow up in Texas?” to “Did you grow up in Texas? Tell me a bit about what it was like to grow up there.”
Step 4: Live your life with a learning mindset
Want to be the most riveting guest at the dinner party? Me too.
But picking up on cues like Sherlock Holmes, exuding a cool sense of confidence like Bond, and delivering wisdom like Dumbeldor don’t often just start happening one day.
To share astute knowledge and observations on life, means you need to be always absorbing new insights. This is tough to do.
Doing this translates to putting your phone down and diving into a classic book, watching shows with substance, actively picking up new hobbies or life skills in your leisure time. It means being curious about the world, listening, and asking questions.
A polished gentleman isn’t born—he’s created.
A Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) article details more concretely the attributes and practices of those in a learning mindset. This includes being curious, practicing the 4 P’s: passion, perseverance, perceptive, productive, and being open-minded about life in general.
We are all inherently biased. The way I process something is likely different than the way you might process the same exact thing. Open-minded thinkers move beyond their own perceptions and challenge themselves to assume different perspectives.
The same RIT article points out that effective learners believe that intelligence can be attained and developed through hard work while others believe intelligence is binary and someone either has it or doesn’t.
Ready for a Chat?
What did you think of these steps? Pretty dang straightforward, aren’t they? I’d bet I didn’t introduce a wildly new concept to you in this article. But I didn’t need to.
Becoming an effective communicator and never running out of things to say comes through taking simple actions and sharpening tools most people already have and aren’t using to the best of their ability.
Everyone listens, but can you be the most engaged listener in the room? Will you make a conscious effort to ask open-ended questions instead of dry, stagnant ones?
Try a clean-burning cognitive supplement like TruBrain to help your confidence and boost your focus when going into a demanding social setting. And lastly, are you willing to take the time and effort to absorb the world around you and constantly maintain a sense of curiosity?
TruBrain's line of transparent nootropic blends will help increase your mental clarity and focus, especially while doing tedious tasks. They won't give you Jimmy Neutron-level brain blasts, but with multiple nootropics, vitamins, and minerals all in one pouch, the value is there.
If you can do all or even a few of those things, your social life will blossom and you’ll feel like the most interesting man in the world, no bottle of Dos Equis needed.
FAQs
Why do I always run out of things to talk about?
Are you forgetting to listen to the person across from you? Oftentimes people aren’t effectively listening which can lead to pauses in natural conversation and make you feel like you’ve run out of things to say. Being an attentive listener will help you ask better questions and formulate organic thoughts and additions to a conversation.
How do I stop dry conversation?
If the conversation goes bones dry, you can take charge and gently nudge it in a new direction. Instead of asking questions that can be answered with one word like “yes” or “no”, instead ask open-ended questions that prompt a longer, more authentic response.
Why do I feel like I have nothing to say?
If you feel like you have nothing to say, it might mean you are overstimulated and need to take a breath and let your brain calm down. It can also mean you aren’t being curious enough and being open to learning new things. The more fresh experiences you have and the more curious you are about people and the world around you, the more you will have to talk about.
