There was once a time in my life when I was so frustrated with dating that I seriously wanted to give up.
I was hitting the gym, losing weight, reading, working on myself, building my business, and doing everything that I thought I was supposed to be doing to attract a high-value girlfriend.
And yet, I just wasn’t meeting any women.
I rarely seemed to meet anyone I considered ‘date-worthy.’
And even on those rare occasions when I did, nothing ever seemed to come of it.
Why wasn’t it working?
Well, one day, I came across a super simple concept that really challenged my outlook on the situation.
And this realization forever changed the way I looked at dating, meeting women, and navigating the sexual marketplace.
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You Must Organically Expand Your Social Circles
This was the crucial component I was missing.
I needed to intentionally expand my social circles.
You see, a lot of people get this wrong. They think that it’s all about their looks, how ‘smooth’ they are at the club, how much money they make, or how to deliver the perfect one-liner when they actually run into a woman.
A lot of men believe that if they succeed at these things, they’ll have women flocking to them with genuine sexual interest.
But this isn’t true.
You need to make the ‘expanding of your social circles’ a foundational element to your dating experience if you truly want to succeed.
Why?
Because as you become a better man and learn to walk in a true masculine frame, you’ll become a more ‘niche’ product.
Some women will love you and admire you far more than you’ve ever been loved or admired by anyone, and some won’t.
It’s kind of like a numbers game, but not quite.
It’s actually a lifestyle optimization game.
So, the goal is to meet the types of women who genuinely, authentically desire you.
And in this post, you’re going to learn exactly how to do that.
First Things First: What Kind of Woman Are You Looking For?
If you’re like most men, you have a specific type of woman in mind for who you’d like to date.
You probably favor a certain body-type. You may favor a certain hair-color—you may even want a certain, specific ‘vibe.’
I can relate to this. I’ve always had a weak spot for short, skinny, edgy, free-spirited hippie girls.
In fact, my current girlfriend fits exactly into these preferences.
She’s a fiery little redhead with dreadlocks and a horror-movie fetish—and I love it.
But if you want to meet a certain type of woman, it’s important to understand this crucial concept:
You’re going to need to optimize your social networks and lifestyle in such a way that you’ll start coming into contact with the types of women you actually want to date.
So step one, start making a list of the ideal qualities you’re looking for in a mate—and figure out specifically what type of woman you’d like to find.
This’ll help you to nail the following steps and succeed in expanding your social networks in the proper directions.
It’ll also help you to avoid wasting time on the wrong types of women.
Where to Meet Girls: The 15 Best Places to Meet Single Women
I’ve met women in bars, at classes, at group events, at concerts, at parties, and even at sporting events.
Case-in-point, you can meet women almost anywhere if you’re willing to keep an eye out and cultivate enough boldness to approach and engage.
But here’s the thing:
If you never go out and do anything, you’re never going to expand your social circles.
And you’re not going to meet any women, either.
So get out of your bedroom, start spending time around people, and practice expanding your social network.
These are the 14 best places to start.
1. Look for Specific Types of Events That You Enjoy
The first rule of thumb is this:
When deciding on things to do to expand your social circles, don’t just do things that you think will get you around women.
Do things that you will genuinely enjoy.
Are you into spiritual meditation? Go to those types of events.
Do you enjoy playing pool? Go join a pool league.
Start looking for events based on things you’re passionate about.
You never know how these types of social adventures will open up opportunities for you to meet new people—including potential dating partners.
But it has to be organic. You can’t force it.
Otherwise, you’ll give off a desperate vibe—and it just won’t work.
2. Art Classes/Groups
Art classes are really cool because they allow you to be creative around other people.
Did you know that Pablo Picasso was a serious ladies man?
Women actually find creative men very attractive, sometimes even rating them as ‘more attractive’ than better-looking ‘uncreative’ men.
Classes or groups that give you the ability to interact creatively with women give you a massive advantage in your search to generate true connection and intimacy with potential dating partners.
3. Co-Ed Sports Teams
Working out is a potent aphrodisiac for women.
And co-ed sports teams/leagues provide the perfect opportunity to spend some time getting ‘hot and sweaty’ with beautiful, fun, athletic ladies.
Go join a volleyball league, soccer team, or co-ed basketball team.
It’s a fantastic way to meet women.
4. Community Volunteer Events
Did you know that volunteering makes people happier?
But it goes even deeper than that.
Women are the most attracted to men who have a purpose—who are seeking to create a meaningful difference in the world.
This makes volunteering an awesome way to not only pursue your own purpose and passion, but to also expand your social circles and meet incredible women who share in those passions as well.
5. Local/Small Concerts
I don’t mean big-time, major record-label concerts.
I mean—go to small, hole-in-the-wall concerts at grungy local venues.
The ones where people do as much drinking and hanging out at the bar as listening to the slightly terrible local music.
I’ve had some incredible experiences meeting women at local concerts like this.
Just be friendly and talk to people about music. Play your cards right, and you’ll be getting invited to someone’s loft to drink a beer and smoke some green.
6. Local Social Gathering Groups
If you get on Meetup.com and look up events in your area, you’ll find all kinds of unique ‘local social’ groups to join.
Exploration groups, ‘fun things to do’ groups, hiking groups, city-walk groups, etc.
These tend to be a bit on the ‘generic’ side. But they’re awesome for meeting other social-minded people and expanding your networks.
7. Yoga Class
I once had a friend who started going to hot yoga classes.
He was a super-tall, grungy rocker-type-dude with long hair, facial piercings, and tattoos.
And yet, the women loved him, and hit on him constantly.
Yoga classes give you a massive edge in meeting women.
First off, the ratio of women to men is extremely skewed toward women.
Secondly, the women are often in-shape and attractive.
Plus, the whole ‘zen’ aspect of yoga means that you’re more likely to meet women who are holistic, down-to-earth, and into the concept of ‘zen’ in their own life.
It’s a perfect combination if you’re that way inclined.
8. Private Parties
Private parties are fun—but they also offer an opportunity to get to know more people on a more personal level—and this includes women.
Think twice before turning down that next party invite.
Show up, have a drink or two, mingle, and shake a few hands.
You never know who you might meet.
9. Improv Nights
Back in high school, I used to take a drama class.
It was an equal mix of guys and girls—and we did all kinds of improv activities to ‘practice’ our drama technique. It was super fun, and a lot of flirting happened.
Improv also gives you a huge opportunity to show women that you’re funny, witty, and quick-on-your-feet. Women are more attracted to men who make them laugh, and there’s no better way to put your keen social skills on display.
10. Public Speaking Groups
In some cities, you’ll find groups specifically dedicated to helping entrepreneurs and speakers hone their public-speaking skills.
1 Million Cups is one such organization, and they have chapters in most major cities in the U.S.
These types of groups give you the opportunity to get up in front of everyone and talk about things that you’re passionate about.
What better way to get to know beautiful, professional women and put your purpose-driven mindset on display?
11. Conversation Groups
Went on a coffee date… almost passed out in the shop. I guess you can say he literally made my heart stop….😅#wtf #DatingTips #awkward
— Anastasia Schnell (@AnaSchnell) January 19, 2021
Just last week, I went to a meditation and mindfulness discussion group. We talked about meditation, conflict resolution, family dynamics—all kinds of interesting things.
I didn’t meet any women at this particular event. But in the past, I’ve met some incredible women in such groups. The open discussion forum gives you the opportunity to engage and build connections organically.
Plus, you get to talk about things you love and are passionate about—while also learning about everyone else at the same time.
This is an atmosphere where genuine attraction between well-matched individuals is certain to occur.
12. Church
I wouldn’t recommend this as a place to meet women unless you actually have religious beliefs that at least kind of fall in-line with the beliefs of the Church you’d like to attend.
But as long as you meet that prerequisite, consider joining the largest, ‘trendiest’ church in your area.
These communities often have groups you can join to build friendships and relationships—and the activities you partake in with such groups give you an awesome opportunity to meet other like-minded women who share the same religious faith as you.
13. Ladies Nights at Clubs, Bars, and Local Venues
The club/bar scene is a hit-or-miss place to find high-value women. But still—whether you’re looking for a relationship or a hookup, it’s no secret that women flock to the bars and clubs to go out with their girls, have fun, and meet potential romantic partners.
Ladies nights give you an especially keen advantage, because women often get free cover, free drinks, or other perks—which makes the clubs and bars more likely to be packed with women looking to have a good time.
14. Speed-Dating Events
Speed dating events aren’t my favorite way to meet women.
I think that they verge on being too ‘goal oriented’ for high-value men, because they’re an event specifically focused on the mission of ‘finding a woman to spend time with,’ and I generally don’t believe in the idea of making a woman the ‘mission’ in your life.
With that being said, there’s an old saying—”never look a gift horse in the mouth.”
Speed dating events are usually organized with the specific intent of helping men and women to expand their dating pool/social circles quickly and efficiently.
So if you get the chance to attend one—you just may find it useful.
15. Business Networking Events
Believe it or not, business networking events are one of my favorite places to meet high-value, professional women.
As a man on your purpose, you should already be investing time and energy into building your own business or side hustle. So why not go out to business networking events, socialize, and meet women who are doing the same thing?
I’ve met some of the most incredible women I’ve ever known through business networking events. Schedule a margarita meet-up later on with some of your contacts, and start building genuine connections.
If there’s attraction, things will happen.
Where to Meet Older Women
Whether you’re an older man looking to meet older women, or a younger man interested in dating older women, finding the right spots to go for social connection can be difficult.
My favorite places to meet older women include:
- Business networking events
- Art classes/groups
- Church events
- Bars that cater to an older, more professional crowd
- Locally based social gatherings, like city walks, tours, discussion groups, etc.
Keep in mind that older women generally care about more than just looks.
They’re wanting to build wealth, have intelligent conversations, learn new things, and meet men who can intellectually stimulate them.
They’re much more likely to be spending their time doing things that’ll carry them toward those types of goals—which is why you’re less likely to meet older women in night clubs or trendy college bars.
Where to Meet Nerdy/Gamer Girls
As a man who cut his gaming teeth on the original Nintendo NES Game System, my generation was one of the first serious ‘gaming’ generations.
And as such, I have a special place in my heart for ‘nerdy/gamer’ chicks.
(And don’t even get me started on sexy cosplay.)
But where do you meet these types of women?
First off, it’s important to understand that most of these types of women tend to live introverted lives of seclusion, hidden away in their hot/nerdy/messy girl bedrooms where they binge-watch their favorite shows and play video games.
You’re far more likely to meet nerdy/gamer girls:
- In college classes
- On dating apps
- At local gaming conventions/events
- At local stores that sell the types of products nerdy gamer girls would buy
These types of women are usually working on some kind of degree, hence college classes.
If they date, they tend to use dating apps—because they’re efficient and don’t require any outdoor/extraverted adventures.
But—serious gamer chicks won’t miss out on the opportunity to go to gaming conventions.
My number one piece of advice? Go to as many gaming/comic/anime conventions as possible and be bold enough to engage with attractive women at such events.
Your odds of meeting a nerdy/gamer girl in such cases are much, much higher.
Your second best chance? Cold approach these types of women in department stores.
Yes, this’ll require some boldness—but it’s one of the best ways to meet the specific type of gamer girl you’re into in everyday life situations.
Where to Meet Women Online
Meeting women online has become a mainstream style of dating.
It isn’t perfect—but it does have its perks.
Personally, I find that dating apps like Tinder and Bumble tend to be the best dating apps out there.
But Hinge, OKCupid, and Match.com are also popular.
Facebook Dating is easy to use—though in my opinion, it isn’t as good, because people just don’t take it as seriously.
With that being said, dating apps aren’t necessarily my favorite way to meet women online.
How to Meet Women Online without Using Dating Apps
I always prefer organic social networking over mission-oriented online dating.
I believe that this falls more in line with the alpha male mentality.
With that being said, my favorite ways to meet women online are to:
- Use Meetup.com to find local events to attend
- Use Facebook Events to locate nearby events to take part in
- Use Facebook to find local groups of people who are passionate about what you’re passionate about—and to stay aware of opportunities to interact with people in these groups
This approach may seem less ‘mission focused,’ but therein lies the strength of it.
As strong, masculine, self-actualized men, it’s in our best interest to pursue our purpose—while meeting cool people and expanding our social networks as a side-effect of that overarching, ever-important pursuit.
How to Approach a Woman in Public: 11 Actionable Tips
So, you’ve met a woman—or at least, you see one from across the room.
You want to approach her and introduce yourself.
But you’re also afraid of messing it up.
This fear is super-common. So let’s go over 11 quick tips that’ll help you minimize your odds for disaster.
1. Approach When She Looks Comfortable
According to my number-one favorite human body-language expert, Vanessa Van Edwards, you should only approach a woman if she looks relaxed and seems to be in a positive mood.
Women in such a mood are much more likely to welcome a conversation.
2. Approach If You’ve Noticed Her Looking at You/Smiling at You
Has she looked at you and/or smiled at you more than once?
Or better yet—has she looked at you, smiled, and then quickly turned her head away—revealing the vulnerable side of her neck/shoulder to you?
This is the classic ‘come hither’ look, and is likely an indication that she’s inviting you to engage with her.
3. Approach from the Front or Side—Never the Rear
Women don’t like being approached from behind.
It catches them off-guard, and not in a good way.
Approach from the front or side. If she sees you coming before you reach her, you’re much more likely to get a positive reaction.
4. Approach with Confidence
As it turns out, women rate male confidence as sexier than looks alone.
Want to improve your odds of successfully interacting with her?
Approach with a confident attitude and posture.
Hold your head high, pull your shoulders back, smile, and look her in the eye.
5. Don’t ‘Hang’ around Her Needlessly without Making a Move
Kezia Noble speaks at-length on this topic in her book The Noble Art of Seducing Women.
“When my friends and I go out, we always laugh between ourselves (well, not me, obviously, since I’m a little more sympathetic due to the nature of my work) at the guy who aimlessly hovers around us, bobbing his head uncomfortably out of sync with the music. Every time one of us looks over he will nearly always look away, and then back again.”
She goes on to say that women are very aware of these guys, and that by the time they get around to approaching—they basically have zero-chance.
The problem?
It doesn’t look confident.
What should you do instead?
If you want to approach, approach immediately with boldness, confidence, and as much ‘smoothness’ as you can muster.
6. Don’t Overlook the ‘Bitchy’ Girls
Some women put up a ‘bitchy’ front to ward off weaker men.
These women aren’t for the faint of heart, but don’t let this dissuade you if you really want to approach.
Kezia Noble also talks about this in her book. She calls it a ‘bitch shield,’ and also gives men the necessary steps to destroy it:
- You need to keep your cool and not let her defensiveness get to you
- You need to disrupt her pattern and gain control of the conversation
- The best way to disrupt the pattern is with a well-placed compliment, to ‘wiggle’ your way into her psyche and disarm her
If you’re brave enough, ‘bitchy’ girls can be the best women to approach—because no other men are brave enough to do it.
7. Don’t Overlook Girls Who Are Out with Their Friends
Some men rule out approaching women who are with their friends.
But the truth is that you may be missing out by not taking your chances in such situations.
Yes, you need to be bolder to approach a woman who’s surrounded by her female compatriots.
In such situations, I’ll usually start by engaging a woman on the outer-field of the group, and chat her up about something innocuous.
“I couldn’t help but to overhear you singing along with the music. Are you a *name of band* fan?”
This is how you start a conversation and gain ‘access’ to the group.
Then, you introduce yourself to everyone, using that as an opportunity to display your confidence and shift toward engaging with the woman you first set your eyes on.
You’ve killed two birds with one stone.
- You’ve made a positive impression on her friends.
- And you’ve managed to introduce yourself to her without it looking out of place.
8. Approach with Open Body Language
I once had a nice date with a woman that ended with me asking her if she wanted to come back to my place.
But to my surprise, she said ‘no.’
Later on, I asked her via text why she hadn’t accepted my offer, since we seemed to have such a good time together.
She responded with an answer that forever changed the way I thought about ‘body language’ during a date.
“Well, when you asked me to come back to your place, your arms were crossed, and you seemed closed off. It made me feel like you didn’t really want to.”
This blew my mind, but she was right.
Always approach women with open, welcoming body language—arms open, feet pointed toward her, chin up, with a relaxed body posture.
This makes all the difference in the world.
9. Try to Match Her Energy Level
Pay attention to her energy level before approaching her.
If she’s super energetic, it’s in your best interest to meet that high energy level.
If she’s relaxed and chill, approach her with the same kind of vibe.
This isn’t always a necessary, hard-set rule. But it’s useful to keep from overwhelming her or appearing ‘boring.’
A man trying to pursue a woman can be many things and get away with it—but ‘boring’ isn’t one of them.
10. Don’t Take It Too Seriously
A lot of men take approaching women far too seriously.
They have a ‘do or die’ philosophy about it that makes them fear rejection and try too hard for success.
Just relax and be yourself.
So what if she doesn’t take the bait?
As strong, confident men, we don’t need to get a ‘yes’ every time to feel good about ourselves.
So get out there, do your thing, and don’t take it so seriously.
Relaxing a bit will make you seem much more confident and attractive, anyway.
11. Don’t Overthink It
3 Traits of an over-thinker :
— Worthy Psychology (@WorthyPsycholgy) January 22, 2021
1. You connect different thoughts one after another.
2. You look for the deeper meaning of each thought.
3. You have low tolerance over certain unwanted thoughts.
If you have these traits then somewhere you are dealing with #OverThinking .
At the end of the day, you don’t need to be perfect to approach women successfully.
You don’t even need to do it ‘right.’
You’re far more likely to be successful if you do it ‘wrong’ without overthinking it, than you are when you overthink it while trying to do everything perfectly.
So be you. Be genuine. Every time you try to chat up a woman, improve your approach just a little bit.
With practice, you’ll soon be a master.
Don’t sweat it, and don’t overthink it.
Other Things to Keep in Mind When Meeting Women
1. Get Skilled at Reading Body Language
Learning to read body language will help you to level-up your approach game by a drastic margin.
Check out the book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, by Vanessa Van Edwards, to gain some serious body-language insight.
2. Nervous? Give Her ‘Negative Marks’ before Approaching
One way to overcome approach anxiety is to give a woman ‘marks off of 10’ before approaching her.
Think of the hottest, sexiest woman who’s ever lived. That woman is a 10.
Then, compare this woman to her.
Where does she fall short?
For each flaw, mark her down a point—then tally them together.
This will change your mindset, and give you more confidence—because all of a sudden, you’ll realize that she isn’t perfect. And that’ll make her seem far less intimidating.
This is actually another tactic that Kezia Noble teaches in The Noble Art of Seducing Women—and it works.
3. Don’t Rely Too Much on Canned Openers
Googling ‘pick up lines’ will yield no shortage of results.
You’ll quickly gain access to hundreds, if not thousands of different possibilities.
But should you use this type of ‘canned’ material?
Here’s the thing.
Yes, it can work.
But I’ve had a lot better luck with just being myself, and saying the first thing that popped into my own mind to say.
Besides—forgetting canned material in the middle of your approach will set you up for a pretty embarrassing encounter, and has the potential to send your anxiety levels through the roof.
4. Maintain Masculine Frame at All Times
It’s vitally important to maintain masculine frame while approaching women.
Don’t:
- Appear needy
- Come off as clingy
- Act desperate
- Act like you’re scared of her
- Pedestalize her
- Act like you’re trying to prove yourself to her
- Act like you believe that she’s out of your league or better than you
- Fear rejection
- Shower her with compliments
Just be cool. Be calm. Be confident.
Be a man who’s quietly, confidently assessing her.
Deep down inside, women desperately crave the validation of high-value men.
Why?
Because it feels like a conquest for them when they succeed.
5. Have a Reason for Approaching Her
If you’re going to rehearse anything before approaching her, this should be it.
Approaching someone works out a lot better when you give them a legitimate reason for it.
“Hey, I couldn’t help but to notice your shoes. Where did you get those? I love them.”
“Excuse me—do you know anything about coconut pad thai? I’m trying to make some, and not sure what to get.”
“Hey! You have great style, so I was wondering if you might be able to help me with a problem. I need to buy a gift for a friend of mine, and I’m not sure what to get her…”
6. Become Adept at the Skill of Easy Conversation
My colleague is such a smooth talker, I wish I had his skill set. It’s why I’m bad cop, and he always gets to play good cop on the team! #lifegoals #charm #smooth #socialskills
— Dr. Victoria Rose (@VW7772) January 21, 2021
If you struggle at the art of conversation, consider picking up a copy of Dale Carnegie’s classic book How to Win Friends & Influence People.
Leveling up your conversation skills will help you to engage with women and stimulate their minds with connecting communication.
7. Don’t Chicken Out – Go for the Number
One of the biggest mistakes I see men make is being too afraid to go for the number once they actually get the confidence to approach.
Sure, it’s scary to approach her. But asking for the number (called ‘closing’) is scarier—because that opens you up to true rejection.
But let’s be honest. You need to take this step. Don’t let yourself chicken out.
If you’ve gone to the trouble of approaching a lady and introducing yourself, you owe it to yourself to take that next step and go for the close.
Practice Truly Makes Perfect When It Comes to Approaching Women
You may not know this—but women actually enjoy being approached—as long as the men doing the ‘approaching’ know what they’re doing and don’t make it weird.
Using these tips, you should now be able to:
- Find the types of women you want to date
- And use your newfound skills to approach and make the introduction
Just remember not to overthink it.
Be yourself.
Even if you mess up really badly, your genuine, honest energy may still appeal to her.
You never know what could happen.
But one thing is certain:
Nothing will happen if you never try.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
FAQs
Where can I meet women during the day?
The best places to meet women during the day would be any place where people are gathering to socialize.
You can obviously meet women almost anywhere: at the grocery store, at the coffee shop, at the library, etc.
But you’ll find that the best places to meet potential dating partners are those places that have socialization already built into them from the beginning.
For example: classes, discussion groups, book clubs, volunteer groups, etc.
These types of places bring you around other like-minded people, while also fostering open communication—making an approach that much easier.
Where is a good place to find a girlfriend?
‘Girlfriend material’ is tougher to find than ‘sex’ material—as it should be.
I find that going out to the bars and clubs tends to be a bit lackluster as you search for actual ‘girlfriend material.’
Instead, back-engineer the types of places where your ‘ideal girlfriend’ might be spending time.
If your ideal girlfriend is an intellectual, consider college classes or study groups.
If your ideal girlfriend is athletic and in-shape, consider joining a local co-ed sports league or Yoga class.
How do you meet girls in a coffee shop?
Women love coffee. And coffee shops can be a pretty cool place to meet and engage.
Here’s how you do it.
You go in and order your coffee.
You keep an eye out—and if you spot an attractive woman, you find an excuse to talk to her.
You chat her up for a moment while waiting for your order.
You look for attraction cues.
If you see them, she’s probably interested—meaning that you should go for the close.
When the barista calls your name, you say:
“Hey, I have to run, but it was great to meet you. Here’s my phone. Put your number in it for me. I would love to continue this conversation later.”
Then, you take your leave and continue on your journey.
What city has the most single females?
In the United States, metropolitan cities on the East Coast and in the Southeast tend to give men their best odds of encountering more single females. In this part of the country, single women outnumber single men by a substantial margin.
Think New York City, Washington DC, Atlanta, etc. New York is by far your best bet—boasting about 200,000 more single women than men.
By contrast, cities in the West part of the country tend to give women a better advantage.
For example, San Diego and Seattle have far more single men than single women.
